A New Beginning...seasons..challenges

Hi! Haven't blogged for the LONGEST time and i guess it really is the LONGEST..heh. But tonight i just decided to drop an entry, probably many of my friends have stopped dropping by to check by now, but if u do, thanks for your support..hee :)
Guess from the very last time i blogged till now, many things have changed. A year has passed and we are into the 2nd month of the year, with Chinese New Year round the corner, and i guess my season has changed as well. I still remember last year when Pst Ulf came n talked about the seasons in our lives, sitting on the stage with the rest of the choir members as he was preaching, it became much clearer to me that my season was changing, and I could sense a confirmation in my heart yet once more about a desire I had had for a long time. Honestly, up till now i can't really put a name down for it yet, but i know it's part of my training to becoming a leader, a desire that's been in me for a really long time now, almost 4 years I think, though i'm not too sure when or where it'll happen but i know as long as i hang on to God and never let go, i believe it'll come somehow. I just hope i'll have what it takes by then :)
hmm...this is really 1 of the blogs i've been the most open, probably the most open so far about my dream, perhaps i've changed, is it a good change? i hope so..in fact, i think so :)

sometimes i find the challenges i go through or have gone through are so different from my other friends, but it's made me realise it's cos i'm unique in God's eyes n these challenges i have managed to overcome or am going through serve a purpose in His Kingdom, though i may not understand them now, but i am determined to face them n walk through them n finish the race well, with His help n guidance :)

Letting go..

Sometimes i wonder why situations like that happen, and they happen at a time when you don't want them to happen at all. Situations that just make you feel so irritated and you just wish you were left alone. But God allows such things to happen in our lives because He wants to mould us, to make us into the person He wants us to be. Our character is more important to Him than our comfort. From this incident just now, i realised i needed to forgive the person, it just came as a revelation to me just now as i was sitting in the living room, if i can forgive my kids in school for doing things that irritate me, i need to forgive this person as well. As i prayed and released the forgiveness and the hurts in my life to God, i started to release my prayer of forgiveness towards other pple in my life as well and as i asked God for His forgiveness n told Him that all i needed in my life was Him, i could just sense the Holy Spirit's presence upon me...like something new has just begun again...

honestly, i haven't been in my best form for quite some time now, more than a month, many things just weighing in my mind...but i know i will climb back up again and Jesus will guide me to see the light and i believe i am starting to see a glimpse of it...

i know that God is using these situations i am going thru right now in my life to mould my character, to make me a more mature person and i really hope i WILL pass these tests with flying colours. Holy Spirit, please guide me along the right path to take, to be able to stand firm in the Name of Jesus and not fall away from Him..but to draw near to Him each and every single day.

I missed my lesson observations this week, n i really don't know how i feel about it. Somehow i feel mad with myself cos i was rushing through the big book with my class on fri afternoon where i was supposed to do the Day 1 and 2 activity (i squeezed both days' activities into 1 day), cos i was supposed to be observed for Day 3 and 4 activities this week n i was just so hoping i could get the observations done with. But i haven't really been feeling well these 2 days, the doctor was saying that i must be under a lot of pressure. I tend to think a lot, even when i'm on mc, i'll be thinking about the things that i need to do the next day, and just now, during the nap i took, i even dreamt that i was in class and i was scolding 1 of my boys in class! i woke up immediately after that and it just totally spoilt my nap, cos i couldn't sleep anymore though i felt so drowsy still.

Something's wrong with me these past few weeks and i dun really know what it is, it's either i really dunno what is wrong or my heart knows what is wrong but my brain refuses to see it and i feel kinda blinded...i know it sounds like i'm blabbering...it's like there's a burden inside me but i can't figure out what it is..and it was really affecting me on sat and sun while singing and i don't like it at all cos i want my Spirit man to be up and alive in the Lord, especially when it's Team B's turn to sing and we need to minister to the congregation. What's this burden about? At first, i thought it was the matter that sis kless talked with me abt on Sat but after that, i realised the burden wasn't about that. i really need to know..been praying but the answer hasn't come.

God i know You are the One who will save and You will cover me with Your grace and lead and guide me, show me Your way, Jesus and guide me, Holy Spirit.

An account of my ministry

Today's choir practice was a little different from usual, Sis Annabel shared with us what Sun was doing in Taiwan right now and for me, every time i hear her sharing about what Sun is doing in the marketplace i'll just feel really touched by the sacrifices she's making. And the way that Sis Bel shares, she really makes you feel like you're part of a family, the choir family :). Then we prayed for more than 1 hour after that, we prayed for the mission team in Taiwan, Pst Kong and Sun, the people in Taiwan and also our home church and for our own personal lives. When Sis Bel talked abt letting go of things we might be holding on to for years, which probably even people around us don't know about, i just couldn't help but start crying. It was a really good session of prayer, a lot of surrendering of certain areas going on in my life, and i really felt so so close to God, hearing Him reassure me that He will always be there for me, and that He wants to use me to be a light in my family. These days, i find myself being asked to do things that i really don't have any experience in and honestly, i do feel scared and unsure about these things and at times i don't even know where to begin cos i have no experience at all in this area. It felt like learning to walk all over again, but while praying God assured me that His strength is made perfect in my weakness and like the song we sang, He is the God who will save...
After praying, Sis Annabel encouraged us to rise up to another level, be it in cg or in choir, it seemed to strike me cos i have been thinking of doing more in choir, especially during the last few months...will share more in future..

being in choir has become a really big part of my life, especially since feb when i started singing in expo after moving from JW. I remembered when i first joined in sept last yr and we had our choir orientation, i even felt afraid and wondered if i signed up for the wrong ministry cos i thought the pple in the ministry were so ra-ra and i, being more of an introvert, was far from that! But gradually, i grew to appreciate the enthusiasm of the choir mmbers, cos it really helps to build the atmosphere during praise and worship. But being in a stage ministry it can get dangerous sometimes when pride starts to seep in and you start thinking you are really great cos u are standing in front of so many pple and u think pple r looking at u (but most of the time they aren't..haha :D ) There's a need to constantly pray n check that your heart is right with God n humble yourself before Him and ask God to come n sanctify your heart. The other danger factor is when u r not walking right with God and even when u r singing n clapping away, pple can actually sense it. Bro Bobby shared an example with us during BS last Wed. He told us that when he was a CGL many years ago, he saw 1 of his mmbers on stage singing n he sensed in his heart that there was something wrong with the mmber, he had a chat with the member n found out that his mmber was facing a problem. Ever since hearing abt this story, it has been serving as a reminder to me that i really need to cleanse myself in God and His Word, and make sure there's peace in my heart cos i really wouldn't want any pst to point out that there's a problem with this choir mmber..haha...but really it's impt to sanctify ourselves when we come into the presence of God, cos God is holy n He is all gd virtue and spotless.. n to help in ministering to pple, we have to walk right with God.

waiting on God

It's better to wait for God-given opportunities than to create your OWN opportunities. When the opportunity is God-given, the joy you feel is really indescribable and you will REMEMBER it for a LONG, LONG time.

Opportunities you create on your own may help you, but most probably only on a short term basis. It won't work out in the long-run cos it's not happening in God's will and timing. Worse, it may affect people around you in a detrimental way. It might just make people around you more IRRITATED with you instead.

Let's wait on God's timing cos He knows when the right time is.

My reflections on the past week..& EMERGE!!

This past week has been a tough 1 for me to go thru, especially with the long hrs spent in sch from 8 am to 5 pm from mon to thu and fri as well till 2.30pm. Really thank God i passed the first aid course which we did from mon to wed, learning skills from CPR to bandaging different body parts. I was really frustrated with the bandaging cos hands-on stuff like that isn't my forte, so i just went home n prayed to God for His wisdom n understanding to guide me on how to go abt it. Though we had a tester who was really sarcastic n tried to make things difficult for us throughout the whole test, i'm glad everyone in my grp managed to clear the course to become trained first aiders..haha..

Of course the highlight of the week is our Emerge conference from thu till sun, and this time i had the privilege to sing in the Emerge choir for 4 out of the 5 sessions :) . I've always wanted to join choir as a kid n i did try auditioning once in my 1st yr in church but failed n i tried out again n joined choir last sept...and to me, what greater privilege than to sing in the CHC choir for God? To me, singing for so many days in a row isn't a chore, with every session i just got more excited, just momentarily distracted by something for a while before the last session on sun nite, but after Sis Cheryl prayed with us when we gathered together before call time, all the confusion i felt just started subsiding n i felt much better. Actually many things had happened over the past week, but being in the presence of God, serving Him in an area that i really love just makes all those things that happened seem so small then.

We spent a lot of the time for the 1st 2 days practicing new songs just outside the CCH rooms, listening to them from a small radio that didn't project sound very well. but still i felt everyone did really well n gave their best. It's really a wonderful blessing, being able to be so near to the anointing of Pst Kong and being able to celebrate Sun's birthday together with the music ministries, n the strike force actually played drums while we were singing her birthday song. Cool!

there are so many other blessings i experienced during emerge last week, but i guess it'll take a really long time if i share them all..but to keep it short n sweet..i am just really thankful to Jesus for making it happen for me. :)

Went through a gruelling period of 2 days from 8am to 5pm of this first aid course that my sch signed us all up for, n honestly i hate it! it's not something i'm really skilled at doing as a lot of it is hands-on, like bandaging body parts n doing CPR on a dummy. i'm choosing to believe that God's grace is sufficient for me during this period, especially tomorrow when we have our theory n practical tests. Holy Spirit, though i'm not in my top form now n honestly i'm really scared right now, please guide me n show me the steps to take for my tests n that i'll find favour with my examiner tomorrow...i trust in You