so tired..

Right now, i just feel like running away...i feel so tired n there's still so many things i have to do, even when i haven't finished wat i have to do...more things keep on coming my way..more things that i have to do. I just feel like packing up n running off. Now, it feels like everything revolves around my work..work..work..work. God, provide a way of escape for me, I don't want to depend on myself, but i want to depend on You, cos You are my refuge n strength, Lord, come n take over now..

Mark, mark, mark...

Marking n marking n more marking...sigh..it's CA week this week..amy's marking my class papers for EL n christina's marking theirs for maths..coincidentally they're some of the better friends i have in the staff room :) honestly, i thought there wouldn't really be anyone i could really get along with here, but God is faithful to provide us with our needs, n He knew i wanted someone who wasn't the selfish n competitive type that i could talk to in the staff room n He did provide :)

Sometimes i can be quite wary of people..especially those at my workplace cos of certain things that happened at the 1st school i went to...a lot of competition n backstabbing going on there among the trainees...n being really young(or rather, ignorant?) n inexperienced n blur (still am..hee) then, i didn't really take it all too well..but the whole experience really made me grow a lot as a person..n now i can see that God really had a hand in the whole situation..drawing me to Him n bringing me into His family n blessing me in areas that even money can't buy...i can honestly say that i won't trade any of those experiences i had in my previous school for anything in the world...all that happened more than 3 years ago, but it's thru them that i know God can and will come thru for me no matter what, even though sometimes now, i don't see the things in front of me very clearly, but i know God will bring me thru them no matter what..sure, i do complain n i do whine sometimes but actually i know in my heart that God will come thru somehow..it may not be in ways that i want it to turn out, but i know the outcome will be for my good

Coming back to marking...i'm marking p4 n p5 english papers for 2 classes..seeing the compos n test papers in the afternoon made me feel really overwhelmed at first..i really wondered how i can actually finish marking the stacks of papers? Plus it's my 1st time really doing something like that...n my desk is really getting very very messy...can barely find some of my things sometimes...must really come back during the sept hols n clear it up to make it look nice n neat...i'm really glad i dun sit near the door cos otherwise the kids would probably get a shock man...wah this teacher so messy?! haha... wonder how christina manages to keep her desk so neat all the time...i was asking her this question last thu n she just laughed..haha

tomorrow's another new day..better sleep earlier so i can feel fresh n awake tomorrow...more papers to mark ;)

Take The quiz yourself

Hmm..does this reflect who i am?

Pushing on

It's past 2am now..had a really long day today since 6.45am this morning cos i had to go to MOE HQ for a social studies sharing session meant for new teachers. It was not bad actually, we were recommended some cd-roms and books which we could use for our lessons but the fact that i had to drag myself down there so early in the morning was a chore to me. My colleague, Amy, and i were practically half-asleep toward the middle of the session..haha :) Right now, i'm just done with a science project my HOD wanted me n another teacher to do..really hope she'll be happy with it cos i spent hours surfing the net to find stuff..

There's a part of me that feels tired now but there's another part of me that still feels alive..that keeps pushing me to go forward..even in the still of the night..somehow i've always worked better at night..it's like my creative juices start churning and producing the ideas that i don't really have during the day, i thank God that i'm in the afternoon session now so i can sleep in a little longer n not have to get up at 5 plus in the morning anymore. Though this week i only have 2 more days to finish up 1 unit of english n tie up the loose ends of fractions, i'm trusting in God to help me wrap things up nicely by this Wed which will be my kids last day in school for the week till they come back next mon for their CAs. I really hope they will do much, much better this term cos they didn't do too well last term due to the constant change in teachers. They really are a nice bunch of kids, even the naughtier ones can be really helpful, even though i need to be really firm with them n scold them quite often for running around, catching spiders, etc..

Being firm doesn't come easy for me..it actually takes quite a lot out of me to be so firm with them, acting fierce n scolding them for doing things they shouldn't do..at the end of the day i feel really tired. With my friends i don't behave that way, we just chat and laugh at how silly we can be sometimes. I would say i'm pretty easy-going about things most of the time. Sometimes, when scolding my students, i feel like laughing at their silly antics too, but u know u can't cos otherwise they won't take you seriously, especially younger children.

Sometimes, i feel misunderstood. And most of the time i don't realise i'm doing something that is not right so i do need people to let me know what i am not doing right. There were times when i was mistaken for being proud and unapproachable cos i wasn't smiling, and i didn't realise it till some of my friends told me about it. A pretty close friend i had in nie told me how she didn't really dare to talk to me during our 1st yr in nie cos i looked aloof n didn't really seem to wanna talk to her, the funny thing was that i felt the same way about her at that time too. Talking about that incident was really funny to us, but it also made me realise that we shouldn't be too quick to put our assumptions on people cos of the way we look and sometimes, even about the things we say.

The Bible talks about the story of a father with 2 sons. He told both sons to do some work, the younger son said ok but never got down to it, the older son however said he did not want to do it, but eventually thought it over and went over to help with the work.
This happens in real life too. Sometimes we might say that we won't do something when someone tells us to do it, but after taking time to think about it, we change our minds and make the decision to change and start working on it. Wouldn't it be really sad if the father had labelled the older son as a bum just because of what he had said at first? I am glad that my Heavenly Father gives 2nd chances, n not just 1 second chance, but many, many 2nd chances, but we also need to know that we cannot take God's grace for granted.

Last Fri's sermon has been ringing in my head these past few days, how we need to put other things aside and just give our hearts, our minds, our everything to Jesus. To put Him first in whatever we do. To stop busying ourselves like Martha, but to be like Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus, giving her full attention to Him and His Word. Keeping my eyes on Jesus is something i'm learning to do, every single day, consciously telling myself that i need to fix my eyes upon Him. In Him, we have everything. I long to be a woman after God's own heart, to know what His plans for me are, to make sure that what i want is what He wants because i want to walk in His will, not because i myself want it to be this way. Father, speak to me a Word in season, a Word that is just meant for me, at this point in my life. I know that i can't control my circumstances, but my Father is in control of everything. :)

Some afterthoughts about Sun

It's past 2am in the morning..so glad i dun haf to be in school today, been so tired the past few weeks...rushing the english n maths syllabus cos my class is pretty far behind the other classes considering i took over only abt 2-3 weeks ago, in addition to the fact that my HOD only let me know on Wed that she wanted to observe my class last Fri..which really added to my stress level for the week..but thank God for His goodness and mercy..my class was really well-behaved that day when she was there, even Mahendran was really good that day...haha.. and they could answer all the questions i asked them, which made my lesson go pretty smoothly..but she hasn't spoken to me so i dunno what she thinks yet, but i hope it's good..

i only had the chance to attend festival of praise on sun cos i was off from work at only 7pm on fri and annie told me the hall was packed already and on sat i had to attend the carnival @ marina opening ceremony with some of the other teachers from my school. President S R Nathan was there to grace the ceremony and there was a performance to showcase the SCDF and army's vehicles and equipment. I thought the parachutists looked really cool gliding down with their parachutes...makes me feel like learning parachuting too...haha..
But service n FOP on Sun was wonderful..it's great to be in the presence of God, pst kong preached a really good sermon that day about visions..n the way he compared peter n judas' actions was really revelational to me that day, especially this period of time where i have some issues to deal with in my heart. We queued up for about 3 hrs for FOP n though it was really hot, i would say it was really worth it. This is only the 2nd time i'm attending FOP, the 1st time being 3 years ago but i don't really remember much, except for the tambourine dancers. This time, we had Hillsong and Delirious leading praise and worship. I have always wanted to watch Darlene Zschech in person leading praise and worship n i really thank God for granting this wish. She is truly a great woman of God and u can tell she is 1 woman that really loves God from the way she praises Him, and there were certain points during worship where i was in tears cos i was so touched by what she said n i knew God was speaking to me through her.

My cg celebrated my birthday on Sun as well cos the actual day was on Mon. Man...can't believe i'm already a year older...but most pple don't really believe it when i tell them how old i am either...haha..
Can't believe they actually made me go thru that 'obstacles' course..i think i must have looked really silly as i 'obediently' followed their instructions...haha..but well that part was really fun at the same time :)
i really appreciate my cg members' thoughtfulness for writing messages to me about my strengths, cos honestly i've never really thought about whether people around me observe what i'm doing. Thanks guys, your words are a real encouragement to me n i'm really touched by what you've all written :)