why?
I don't really know what's happening to me, why I feel this way, but I just feel like I'm falling through this pit, and i don't know where it ends. I don't know why I take a longer time than my other friends around me to get to a certain place, it just makes me feel so frustrated inside. Why is it that I can't be as emotionally strong as the others around me? And why am i taking so long to learn it? Why? I just have so many 'whys' inside of me, and I don't know how to tell people, and i think blogging is one way to get it all out. And so far no one I know probably gets it. Sometimes I wonder if I stop having the desire, perhaps I'll be a much happier person, then I wouldn't care so much. I'm tired, tired of waiting, mentally tired, tired of telling myself to hold on, frustrated. Frustrated with the fact that I'm neither here nor there. Maybe the vision I have is wrong? Maybe that's why I'm not there when others just take a year or so to get there. No one has really spelt out that exact thing for me, it's hard to work towards it when you hear it from a voice within you and you can't discern if it's yourself or from God. I just wish it were more clearcut, like perhaps a burning bush or something? God, please give me a vision for my life, why am I in this job? What do you want me to do in CHC? Cos without a vision, the people perish.. and I don't want to perish, I still want to live a fulfilling life, an exciting and fulfilling life. Come and fill me Holy Spirit, that I may be able to know the thoughts of my Father, to know His plans for me, cos I know that Your ways are higher than mine, Your thoughts than my thoughts..
posted by Isabel @ 3:44 PM
5 Comments:
well bell.. perserve on mans.. =p.. i noe u can go through all this soon .. well u always hav N252 to support u mans.. yep... well keep ya in my prayers.. HAO
hey thanks yuhao for ur encouragement, i'm really touched..you've really grown a lot spiritually during the last few months...keep it up brother :)
no prob mans.. wad am i fer.. hahaz.. u hav seriously been a great sis to me.. great to hav known ya mans..=)
hi bel ...:) it must have taken u alot of courage to share your thoughts like this and im glad u did coz tt way u dun have to struggle alone. I used to regret many things. Decisions made too late etc. But God reminded me not to be impatient.No purpose of yours can be withheld from you. Dun stop and wait for it to happen, continue to run and be a minister for the Lord to your friends. God rebuked me before that if i cant even be faithful in little things like inviting my friends etc, how can He give me bigger things. So what if we gained the whole world? If we lost ourselves and is destroyed internally then it all comes down to nothing. Keep on Keeping on !!!
Bel, press on.. You're already doing well and I see a totally different you compared to many months ago. Don't compare yourself with others. Some take longer to rise, some shorter. But it doesn't mean you are no good or anything like that, it's just that God has His own timing in your life. Jia you, my dear sister. Believe in yourself, because I really do believe in you. :P
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