The past week has been a long one for me, things happened, was down with the flu and of course the best part of it was spending time in church and it was a bonus having Pst Ulf Ekman ministering to us this weekend. Honestly, I can never get enough of spending time in church and i know i'll never grow tired of coming every week and it would be even better if i could come every day... in fact, i felt really disappointed abt not being able to sing this week, when our helper smsed me on tue night asking me if i could sing for all 3 svcs this weekend, my heart was going 'YES, YES, YES!!!', but the reality was that i couldn't sing on fri due to work, even though i was there for svc, n on sat cos i had already arranged to meet a friend, which left only sun...n actually i knew in my heart that i wouldn't be able to sing even before i got her reply back..
to me, it's really a privilege to be able to sing for the Lord, to bear the burden of offering sacrifices of praise for the church n this ministry is really special to me cos it's the first 1 i really wanted to join since coming to CHC, a gift from God i really treasure, though i know He's also using my time here in choir to mould a part of my character before He calls me to what i'm destined to do for Him.

in the staff room, i'm thankful to God for genuine pple who r willing to befriend me which makes up for those who can't stand me n don't understand me...n just pretend to be nice to u n just gossip abt u, without knowing u r there.. i wish i didn't have to sit so near to these pple in the staff room...well..it just makes me realise that u really can't put your trust in man...even when u try your best, pple in the world will just find something else to say abt u if they can't stand u...
i know in my head from the bible that we should not put our trust in man but in God, but i guess God knew i needed the experience myself to show it to me...

Pst Ulf's stories abt his life in today's sermons were really amazing, n when u hear them, u can see why he is where he is today. When he shared abt the way he and his family lived in America when he went to bible school there, with very little money to live by each day, n just trusting in God to provide for them each day, that is really what i call living by faith! Honestly, if it were me, i wonder if i would even have the faith to step on the plane! But that's why Pst Ulf is known as an apostle today n a great, great man of God. But his lifestory that he shared today really impacted me...where God had told him to go to Bangladesh but then suddenly told him to go instead to the US first before Bangladesh. Sometimes, we are really sure that God has called us to do something great for Him, but then He suddenly tells us to go somewhere else n do something else for Him n we wonder, what abt that other calling God told us abt before? God knows what He is doing and i know i need to trust Him totally, put Him 1st in my life, & everything will fall into place, my calling, my ministry, my career, my whole life. i know i want to serve God my whole life, n i was just so touched by what Pst Ulf said before he ended his sermon that i just kept on crying n crying after that, when he said that at the right time, God will bring us into our destiny, what He has destined for us to do.. n God will use whatever experiences we have had to fulfill the purposes He has for us

maybe u might not know what i'm talking abt here n i jus seem like i'm babbling..but it does make me feel better to let out things i've been keeping inside myself :)

burnt out n still sick.. sigh.. emotions running high n low.. n i just feel so misunderstood..not that i din try my best..but it takes 2 hands to clap..if 1 person just keeps on asking but there's no reaction from the other party..how can i do it by myself? i dun like being a nag too..

i know i need God n i need to put my trust in Him, not in man.. God help me get out of this pit..help me to see the light..

sometimes u might think something is 'like that', but in reality it might not be, be careful of the thoughts that run through your mind, choose to listen only to the positive ones, n throw the negative ones away...easier said than done, especially for someone like me..sometimes i guess pple will wonder why i behave in a certain manner, i apologise for those moments, all of us have areas where we need to change, don't u agree? :) we r all different, which makes us unique. there are areas where u might not have problems with, n i do, n there r areas i might not struggle so much with, but u do. we r all unique individuals n we need to learn from one another the gd areas the other person has. i am still learning to accept myself n also the differences others around me have..

last fri we had a discipleship session with bro isaiah after cg, maybe u might think i'm weird, but i actually love discipleship..i'm not talking abt the lovey-dovey dreamy 'love'...but i'd describe it as more of an appreciative type of 'love'...i'm really touched n appreciate the fact that he bothered to disciple us even though we r not his cg members, he could have just left without saying anything. N i learnt a lot that day, thanks bro isaiah, if u do read this... u really are a good discipler, being able to disciple us without making me (at least) offended n yet what u said that night made me go back reflecting upon what u said..n thanks for the Word u gave to me that day... to move to the frontline n not just play a supporting role...

gotta change my mindset...cos i've always thought in my mind that i need to play a supporting role before i can get my promotion, be it in church ministry or my workplace. In children's church in the past, i played a supporting role by doing attendance even when my service IC asked me to help out more inside. In choir now, i'm really awed by how enthusiastic n vibrant everyone is that i sometimes wonder if i joined the right ministry, but i'm glad that in my heart, i can hear God telling me that His plans for me r good and He will use my time in choir to bring me to a whole new level. I'm really not used to being in front of people yet (even though i'm a teacher by profession), n i really found it hard to swallow last yr when bro mark told us during choir prac that we r ambassadors for Jesus when we stand on the stage n sing...it just made me realise how small i thought i was...but i believe that will change n i will be able to be a worshipper worthy to be called a worshipper of God...amen :)

a start to something bigger..

I've just finished my weekly lesson plan for this wk..can't believe i took so long to do it..n this wk on thu n fri we have 2 VIPs coming to observe us..feel a little lost though...i used to be really good at doing SBA during my practicum days but after reading the notes the course provided me with, felt a bit stressed..really need God to come through for me again...n i believe He will, just as He always has...as long as i trust in Him... :)

Yesterday my relatives on my mum's side came over to my place for dinner, n i must say it's better than it has been over the past few years...in the past, i didn't really talk to my cousins at all, in fact, each of the different cousins from each family would just take 1 corner n we would just sit there by ourselves...so ivan n i would usually just sit together while my other cousins sat in their corners...this yr, after hearing pst kong's sermon i decided to pluck up my courage n managed to speak a little to my cousins...they're all really much younger than me...all in their teens..1 in poly now..1 in sec 4 n the other just finished o levels..n actually they r pretty nice pple, n i guess i was the 1 being the 'pharisee' all these years..sigh..i felt much better abt this reunion dinner than i've had in years actually..even though it might seem like nothing much to others...but for me..taking the plunge to start a conversation is a tough thing for someone like me who's always found it hard to carry on a conversation with someone i hardly ever talk to...in fact even pple i know, i find it hard to carry a conversation with them...in my head i would try really hard to find something to talk about..but yesterday's dinner was a gd start...though it's small but there's progression..n i do hope we'll build better n stronger ties as a family....thanks to God for making it a success.. :)